Why You Struggle With Self-Confidence (Therapy practice in Paris 10 - for Expats)

"Ive lost confidence in myself". This is a sentence that often comes up in therapy sessions. As if confidence had once existed fully — and simply needed to be found again somewhere beneath the ruins of disappointment, failure, or a relationship that caused harm.

But what we call “self-confidence” is rarely something we once possessed completely. It is something that gets built. Slowly, layer by layer. And it can be rebuilt, even when we believe we have lost it for good.

Self-Confidence vs. Self-Esteem: What’s the Difference?

Self-confidence is the belief that we are capable of acting, coping, and adapting. It allows us to take risks, try new things, speak up, set boundaries, and move forward despite uncertainty.

Self-esteem goes deeper. It is the feeling that we have value as a person — independently of what we achieve or how successful we appear to be.

These two dimensions are connected, but they are not the same.

Someone can feel highly competent at work while feeling deeply illegitimate in their relationships. A person may appear confident in public while carrying a constant inner sense of shame.

Where Does Low Self-Confidence Come From?

Most of the time, it begins much earlier than we think. It can come from the messages we received in childhood — directly or indirectly — about our worth, our abilities, and the amount of space we were allowed to take up.

It may come from a family environment shaped by criticism, comparison, emotional neglect, or impossible expectations. From school experiences where we felt different, inadequate, or not “good enough.” From relationships that slowly reduced our ability to be ourselves freely.

Over time, these experiences create deeply rooted beliefs:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “I will disappoint people.”

• “I don’t deserve this.”

These beliefs are not objective truths — but they often feel like they are.

Why Simple Advice Often Isn’t Enough

We constantly hear things like:

• “Step out of your comfort zone.”

• “Fake it until you make it.”

• “Focus on your achievements.”

These strategies can sometimes help temporarily. But they rarely address the root of the problem.

Self-confidence is not built through willpower alone. It grows when we begin to understand where the self-doubt comes from — and when we learn to relate to ourselves differently from the way we were taught to.

What Therapy Can Help With

In therapy, working on self-confidence often involves:

• exploring the origins of self-doubt,

• identifying patterns such as perfectionism, avoidance, or constant comparison,

• learning to recognize and respect one’s needs, emotions, and limits without self-judgment,

• gradually building a more stable, compassionate, and grounded relationship with oneself.

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The goal is not to become someone else. It is to rediscover — or sometimes discover for the first time — the right to exist exactly as you are.

👉 I welcome you in my practice in Paris 10th arrondissement. Feel free to reach out to book a first session.